Coming to terms with the idea of divorce
When you get married, you are imagining the rest of your life spent with your partner in happily wedded bliss. At that point in time, you don’t imagine yourself down the road, months or even years later, getting a divorce. However, as time progresses, people change. Sometimes, the relationship doesn’t change with them. Sometimes, a divorce is the necessary and right choice at the end of the day. But how do you know when the time is right?
Coming to realize you want a divorce doesn’t happen overnight in most cases without a sudden or justifiable cause (some urgent dissolutions are caused by violence, abuse, or infidelity). You don’t rush into it, and the realization happens over time with a culmination of many factors and influences building feelings up within you. When you come to terms with the idea of divorce, a part of you might still be fond of and care for your partner, but you simply just might not be in love with them anymore. Sometimes that plays a big role in the matter. Your partner is no longer the person you fell in love with — and you are no longer the person who fell in love with them. People change and that’s okay.
There are many other reasons to get a divorce other than falling out of love. Sometimes, the conflict between you and your partner is too much. Communication is stifled and faltered, and you can no longer come to terms or agreement on even the simplest of topics. While some conflict is expected and healthy within a relationship, when it is constant, it can become overwhelming and exhausting. It can seriously impact a person’s health to live that way.
In some cases, you learn that the path you have planned for your life isn’t the same as the one your partner has planned. Your lives are headed in different directions and your expectations aren’t being met. It is okay to have desires and wants. It is okay to have a path you want to walk down. If you do not see a compromise between your and your partner’s life paths, it is understandable to want to end the relationship to not change your dreams and your goals.
Sometimes, when you first begin to have thoughts about a split or a separation, you don’t and you won’t know if a divorce is what you want and need — and you won’t until you give it the proper time and consideration it deserves. You don’t decide to get married overnight, and typically the reverse is true as well. It isn’t something that should be decided on rashly unless the circumstances are dire. Just as merging your life with someone else’s brought changes, so will splitting up with someone. There are personal, monetary, and professional divisions that will occur. Some people consider the monetary division to be the most significant issue.
It takes two people to get a divorce. When you bring it up, it might be the case that your partner is not on the same page as you, but talking and communicating is important while thinking about and considering a divorce. Have a long and honest talk with your partner. Explain what you are thinking and your rationale. Do not blame each other, do not yell or argue. If you need it to be mediated because you believe it will not be a civil discussion, talk to a mediator who specializes in divorce. Facing the financial issues head-on and openly is the best option if you want to achieve a beneficial and non-destructive financial separation.
What comes next?
Sometimes, having these discussions will lead to the realization that your financial situation is up in the air because of this choice. Taking a hard look, with honest appraisal, of your family’s financial situation, both before and after, mitigates the fear that can arise concerning financial stability today, tomorrow, and in the future, easing the conflict faced in divorce. Know there are people available to help — especially us here at Divorce Financial Solutions.
Do not feel bad or guilty about seeking assistance from professionals during your divorce process. You have to do what is best for you and your future. It may not be easy, but we will be here alongside you to hopefully make the process as smooth as possible. We will be by your side to help with your financials.
With a divorce, your life will change. You might feel like you have no control over it as you and your partner prepare to split your lives apart, but there are opportunities to take back some of that control. Reach out to us at Divorce Financial Solutions to determine your security as your divorce proceeds. It is a tough situation but you will get through this, and we will be there to help.